Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
