he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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