I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
