I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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