In the future we'll all be gay
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
