a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
