What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Can Purell be used as lube?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
