wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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