Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
