Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
