remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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