He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
i out mim tonsoeep
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