So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
