she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
