I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I am spending my child support on dildos
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
