Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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