i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
