A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
