fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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