Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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