I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
