does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
