he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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