Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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