I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
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Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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