i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
