sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
