i jhust puked up my retainher.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
