I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
This baby is an asshole
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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