Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize