Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm just crazy horny about you
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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