Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
