im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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