i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
