i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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