Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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