So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
