I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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