He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
