It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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