I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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