PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
there's paper in my vomit.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
