God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
