that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
