ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
