The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
