you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
NoShamevember. You game?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
