Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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