SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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