At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
i think i just lost a toe
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