I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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