He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
