if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
