Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
