I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
