if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Are my feet made of real feet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
It's never too late to be topless.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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