No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
