I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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