I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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