So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
