if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
