some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
