Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
