I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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