we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
NoShamevember. You game?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
